raisegoodkids

I received these kiddo stories in an email forward and they gave me a little chuckle this morning. I thought I’d share them and brighten your day also.

1.) On nudity: A mother was driving with her three children one warm summer evening when a  woman in a convertible ahead of them stood up and waved. She was naked! In response to what they had just seen, the five year old shouted from the back seat, “Mom, that lady isn’t wearing a seat belt.”

2.) On opinions: On the first day of school, a first grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.”

3.) On ketchup: A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang, so she asked her 4 year old to answer the phone. “Mommy can’t come to the phone right now. She’s hitting the bottle.”

4.) On nudity, again: A little boy got lost at a fitness center and found himself in the women’s locker room. Upon being spotted, the room burst into shrieks and ladies were grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a little boy before?”

5.) On police: While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, a police officer was interrupted by a little kindergarten student. She looked the police officer up and down and asked, “Are you a cop?” The police officer answered ‘yes’ and then continued to write his report. The little girl continued, “My mother said that if I ever need help I should ask a police officer. Is that right?” Again the police officer answered ‘yes’. She replied, “Well, then would you please tie my shoe?”

6.) On police, again: At the end of the day a police officer parked his police van and was gathering equipment. His K-9 partner was barking in the van and the police officer noticed a little boy staring at him. “Is that a dog you got back there?” The police officer answered, “It sure is.” The boy looked puzzled as he looked at the police officer and then back at the van. After a few minutes he asked, “What did he do?”

7.) On elderly: A woman brought her 4 her old with her while she was delivering lunches to the elderly. The little girl was very interested in the various equipment she saw and particularly the canes, walkers, and wheelchairs. One day the little girl was found staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. The woman braced herself for what her daughter may say, but she simply turned to her mother and whispered, “The toothfairy will never believe this!”

8.) On dressing up: A little girl watched her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad in his tuxedo she seriously warned him, “Daddy, you shouldn’t wear that.” The father questioned why he wouldn’t want to wear his tux and the little girl responded, “You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.”

9.) On death: A group a 5 year old boys found a dead robin. They felt that a proper burial should be performed, so they found a small box and some cotton batting. The boys dug a small hole and became ready for the disposal of the deceased bird. One little boy was chosen to say a prayer. The little boy, with such dignity in his voice sang out ”Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.”

10.) On school: A little girl had just finished her first week of school. “I’m just wasting my time.” she said to her parents, “I can’t read, I can’t write, and they won’t let me talk.”

11.) On the Bible: A little boy opened the family Bible. He was fascinated as he looked through the pages when suddenly something fell out of the book. He picked up the object and looked at it. It was an old leaf that had been pressed between the pages. The little boy called out, “Mom, look what I found.” The mother asked what he had found and the little boy answered with amazement, “I think it’s Adam’s underwear.”

 Like I said, these little stories gave me a good laugh this morning. I hope you enjoyed reading them also. You can never be too surprised by what comes out of the mouths of babes!