Apr 30 2009
Why Do We Have To Judge?
First of all, sorry that I’ve been away for a little bit. I’ve been focusing most of my writing attention on a short story contest and submitting other paid articles. Money is tight these days and I’m trying to contribute as much as possible.
FYI - The dinosaurs are still roaming the area. We went fishing this past weekend and guess what we caught, that’s right, Dinosaur Fish!! Again, I had no idea that these things even existed anymore. The toys are still active in their daily revolt against order and cleanliness. No improvement on that front. Darn, I was really hoping that my sticker reward chart would work with Spiderman and The Guy!
Now, back to my title: Why Do We Have To Judge?
Most of the blogs that I read have to do with family and parenting, but I also read some current events blogs and some celebrity and religion blogs. The authors of most of the family and parenting blogs are women - mothers. I cannot understand why some of these role models continue to write such judgemental and sometimes ridiculous articles. I have a hard time reading them with a straight face and without rolling my eyes at some of the comments made.
Instead of constantly judging other parents and telling them that what they are doing is wrong, maybe we should use this outlet as a support network. I have met several very friendly fellow bloggers that share some of the same hardships that I do. We share ideas and stories, it is fun. However, some other bloggers use this outlet to proclaim what fantastic parents they are. They proclaim that their way is the only right way to do things. They proclaim that if you dare to do something out of the ordinary it will have detrimental effects on your children. They will knock anyone down that they do not believe is doing the “right thing”. Well, the “right thing” for one person isn’t always the “right thing” for others. The only thing that should matter is, in the situations they are faced with, are they doing the “right thing” for their children? I have read and heard stories from mothers on both sides of the working mom vs. stay at home mom debate, on breast feeding vs. bottle feeding, on cloth diapers vs. disposable diapers, organic vs. non-organic. Can’t we all just get along? Stop judging and start just being there for the people we share a huge common ground with - Motherhood.
Now, I’m all for expressing opinions. Anyone who knows me, knows that I can have some pretty strong opinions about things. Maybe when expressing our opinions, we could at least acknowledge that there could be some very good reasons for people to chose to do things a little bit different and that is really okay. Or rather than placing so much judgement in our writing, we could simply state that this is the way we do it and list some reasons why we chose to do it this way.
No one likes being judged, not by friends or family, not by strangers. Something to think about.
Woo! Amen, sista!
Thanks!!
Yeah, you know I try really hard to make sure I’m not coming across as preachy. What works for me may not work for you. I’m all for sharing my opinions and the chaos/hilariousness that ensues as I navigate mommyhood. I’m pretty sure based on a comment you made on one of my blogs about a personal struggle you had that I know which blog this post is aimed at… or I could be wrong. Either way, thanks for speaking up. As moms we’ll all get through this a lot easier if we learn to get along.
I certainly couldnt agree more and am pretty sure I know what you a referring to as it is probably what I just read through and got a little teed of at…. I actually wrote a rather long comment then stopped myself from submitting and thought why bother
It is sad that everyone tries their absolute best at doing everything they can possibly do, and still there are people out there who are going to criticize. I would just like to say that society has not brain washed me, thus the reason I was able to speak up about this issue. I would say the people brain washed are the one’s who are so set in their ways and thinking that they are unable to see reality and reality effects everyone differently. You cannot change a genetic condition, not everyone can financially give up work to stay home, not everyone has the time to make their own baby food. We do our best and we don’t need some high and mighty, gotta always be right, sarcastic and demeaning individual preaching to us about what is best for our children. Mother is always right, and as far as I know, I am the mother to my children. Apparently I must be doing something right because my almost 3 year old just topped the charts on his Parents as Teachers screener. And my formula fed 9 month old is also on the top of the charts for meeting his developmental milestones. So there!!!!
I agree that we all need to not judge others, only one person has the right to do that. I also know how hard it is sometime when you see something you don’t agree with to want to call it wrong, without knowing all al facts and circumstances of the certain sitution. But in the end no one but the childs parents konw what is best for them and their children. Doctor, magazine, & books are all great sources of help & information, but you know your kids better than anyone & you have to make those desicions . As for the breastfeeding vs. formula, I was a formula baby and I turned out OK, I guess if I was breastfed maybe I would have turned to be ruler of the world & you would all be my peasants, but then I would not have met my wife and had our great children. Wait if I ruled the world I could have had my servants round her up for me.
Ha, I could be your love slave!!
ckcramer… you are doing a greatjob and dont let anyone tell you otherwise.
And I guess I slipped on the non-judging and getting along thing because I actually wrote a rather long nasty comment on a breastfeeding blog…. I didnt mean to I just snapped when i saw a cartoon implying that my child was incapable of love and some kind of scary damaged goods. So I am positive I know what has upset you.
So if anyone sees my tirade of a comment please forgive me I am tired and sick and no i am not normally a mean mommy (and I did edit out alot of the comment that was truly mean) I promise.
I started my blog because I felt judged and alone in my parenting choices. I have written blogs on both cloth diapering and organics but it was not at all my intention to preach or judge. If they came across that way I apologize. I wrote both of those blogs to give ideas on how to save money. I certainly don’t buy everything organic, just a few things and the rest I wash w/ lemon and vinegar and cloth diapering is just a lot more affordable.
Unfortunately, no matter what your choices are, you are bound to feel judged. I have always made “different” choices in my life and I never came across so much judgment as I have since becoming a mom, from family members to people on the street. (I actually had some 20 something coffee shop employee make some rude comment about my baby being too big to be carried! Was this her business?) I definitely try not to judge because I would like that much respect back. I think most people (there are exceptions of course) try to make the best choices for their kids given the knowledge and means at their disposal.
Regardless, if anyone has taken my blogs as judgmental I am sorry and sad because that was not at all my intention.