Mar 23 2009
Toddler Control
We have been in a battle of wills with Sam. I’m not sure how or why it started, but we’ve had issues.
A little over a week ago, he just decided that he wasn’t going to poop anymore. At first, I thought he was actually constipated. Now, though, I believe that he had his mind set on just not doing it anymore. Why, you may ask. I’m chalking it up to Toddler Control.
Sam has been potty trained for a few months now and that was really about one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. He just got it and then we were done. I was amazed at how quickly he caught on. Since he’s been potty trained, however, we have had a few issues with constipation. So, last week, when he hadn’t went for a few days, I started treating him for constipation. We increase his juice and water. Took away his bananas and cheese. Then, when he started complaining of a belly ache and he still hadn’t pooped, we treated him with PediaLax laxatives. The directions on the box stated that it should produce a bowel movement in 1/2 to 6 hours. A day later he still didn’t have a bowel movement. The whining continued and we continued to try to get him to go. Another day went by and then, as the day was coming to an end, he finally had a BM. We cheered and relaxed and thought that all this drama was over.
Jump ahead four days and Sam has not pooped again. The whining continued. We tried fiber and bran. We gave him the laxatives again. Nothing. Another day started, still no poop. My mother found a PediaLax suppository. This was supposed to produce a bowel movement within one hour. We tried it. An hour later, no poop. We tried distracting him by taking him outside. We thought that maybe he could run it out. It works for our dogs. They start running and within a few minutes they all have to stop and poop. We ran. He would cry, “I poop. I poop.” We would go to the bathroom, sit on the toilet, cross our fingers and pray. “Nooooooo! I done.” No poop. We go back outside and soon discover that he is attracting flies, he stinks so bad. Why won’t he just poop? Finally, I call the doctor. There has to be something wrong with him. He wouldn’t be doing this on purpose …. would he? The doctor asks about his belly. Is it hard or swollen? No. Has he been vomitting? No. Let him go a little bit, just forget about it. Give him some Mylanta in the morning. Words of wisdom - he can’t hold it in forever! The next morning he gets a dose of Mylanta and we go back outside. We play and work. He continues the, what I’m now calling a game of, saying “I poop” and then everyone stops what they’re doing and run inside with him just to discover that he will not go. Grammy and Gramps come by to visit. They both try to get him to go. Grammy says that if and when he poops she will take him to the store to get a new dinosaur toy. He seems excited and upon her leaving, he announces, “I get dinosaur when I poop.” So, he seems to understand what he needs to do. Does he go, though? No. Finally, 4:30 yesterday afternoon, “I poop”. We take him to the bathroom, he has some in his underwear. He sits down on the toilet and he just couldn’t hold it in anymore. Out it came! Grammy comes and takes him to the store to get a new dinosaur toy. Thank goodness!
So, why did he do this? Upon hearing other people’s stories I have found that about half of all parents experience this with their toddlers. Toddler Control. You can tell him to do this, but you absolutely cannot make him go. He has discovered that this is something he can control. Our mistake, I believe, was to make too big of a deal out of it. It became a game and unfortunately we played along. He had us right there in the palm of his hand. But what were we going to do? Is it really wise to just let it go and not try to make him poop? It isn’t healthy to hold it in and it just makes it harder to go, too. We’d appreciate any advise on what to do if he continues to demonstrate these control issues. Do we play along or just let it go?
Oh goodness, we have dealt with almost this exact thing. It’s infuriatingly frustrating, isn’t it? Though I was completely against it initially, we finally found that telling him he could have one gummi bear after he pooped was enough to motivate him to go in the potty and not in his pants or hold it. A friend of mine’s son was holding it constantly like your little guy, and it turned out that he had some sort of fissure on his bottom. They took him to the doctor because they were concerned with his lack of pooping and it turned out he was simply afraid because it hurt so bad, though he didn’t complain about it hurting when he was on the pot.
Anyway, long post longer, I completely sympathize with you! I hope he grows out of the phase sooner than later.
Yikes! We’re potty training our son, and I’m hoping he doesn’t do anything like this!
We’re having our own little battle of wills with him. He was doing great with the potty, but now he just won’t do it. The more I coax him, the more he seems to enjoy telling me no.
Kids….geesh
Yeah, we’ve been there, too. My advice would be not to push too much. Just casually mention that he may want to try to go potty and don’t give him the chance to say “no”. Try telling him that it’s time to go potty now instead of asking him if he wants to sit on the potty. That Toddler Control will get you. Oooh, it’s so annoying!