raisegoodkids

You’re probably wondering if I have lost my mind completely to think that a child’s temper tantrum can be funny. Let me describe how dramatic Sam’s tantrums have become and maybe you’ll understand why I can’t resist a little chuckle every now and then. He will start by asking for something which is a definite “no”, like going outside in his underwear and snow boots. I will respond to his request with, “No. You need to put clothes on if you’re going outside.” He will scream and throw his favorite pacifier (which he thinks he cannot live without) on the floor and then so dramatically throw his arm out and reach for his pacifier and cry out, “BINKS!!!!” It is so dramatic and completely ridiculous that it’s just downright funny. I can laugh because the majority of Sam’s tantrums happen at home and he’s usually very well behaved in public, but what do you do when a tantrum does occur in public? Here are some steps to preventing tantrums:

1.) Anticipate the Tantrum

In order to prevent an outburst you need to be able to predict when a tantrum may occur. Every child has a few signals that he gives to indicate a meltdown may happen. If you notice your child giving any of these signals you will want to redirect him in any way possible. You may want to direct his attention elsewhere by pointing out something interesting or just by offering to do something different. Also, if you see that your child is starting to get frustrated you will want to try to soothe him and talk to him in an understanding way and explain to him what you are doing and what your child may get to do later. You will need to figure out the best way to talk-down or redirect your child’s tantrums and once you do, use that method quickly to dismiss a possible full-blown explosion.

2.) Zero Tolerance

If a full-blown tantrum occurs, you must refuse to have any interaction with your child until the behavior stops. I often find myself ignoring Sam and just moving to a different room when he starts to act this way. Someone once told me that the best way to stop a tantrum is to remove the audience. A tantrum occurs because the child has figured out that when he acts this way he usually gets what he wants. Well, if you ignore it and make yourself busy with something else, especially something fun that the child may want to participate in, the tantrum is likely to subside. Your child needs to know that the behavior will not be tolerated and that you will simply not pay any attention to him until he calms down.

3.) Consistency

The zero tolerance method may be impossible to do in public and you may need to physically remove him from the public eye - take him to the car or a restroom and then make yourself busy with a magazine or balancing the checkbook. Until your child knows that you mean business and you will tolerate these behaviors the tantrums will continue. The more consistent you are with zero tolerance, the more quickly your child will understand that he is not going to get away with having a tantrum.

4.) Talk about other ways to deal with frustrations

Teach your child feeling words like angry, mad, and sad. After the tantrum has ended, use these words to help your child understand how he was feeling, “You were angry because you wanted to stay at the park, but it’s time to go home for lunch now.” Help your child to understand that these feelings are okay and everyone feels this way sometimes. Use these feeling words on yourself, too, when you find yourself becoming angry, mad, or sad. “Mommy is mad right now because she broke her favorite coffee mug.”

5.) Time Out

The time out method is usually not recommended unless the child is at least 3 years old. Tell your child that his behavior will not be tolerated and he needs to sit quietly, in a secluded place if possible, until they know how to act more appropriately. The general rule for the length of a time out is one minute per age of the child, so if your child is 4 years old and needs a time out he will sit for 4 minutes. If you are going to use the time out method, it is important to talk about the behavior after the child has calmed down. When the time out is over, go to the child and ask him if he knows why he was asked to sit out. If he cannot tell you, then you need to explain his behavior to him and why it was not appropriate. When it is clear that he understands this and you feel that the behavior is truly finished then the time out can officially be ended.

I joked in the beginning that Sam’s tantrums have become funny, but I never let him see me laugh. You never want to encourage these behaviors by acknowledging them in any way. Sometimes I have to walk away from him just so I can enjoy his 2 year old dramatics.

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